CHICAGO
Alternative post title: I flew to Chicago to meet 40 other strangers because I thought that would be less weird than showing up on Ashlee Gadd’s doorstep in Sacramento unbeckoned.
I stumbled upon blogger (and now author) Ashlee Gadd in early 2014, soon after my first baby was born. She would soon start the motherhood storytelling website and community Coffee + Crumbs, but on her personal blog, she wrote about her mothering journey, striking that delicate balance of tenderness and telling-it-like-it-is. I loved her lyrical work, the way she effortlessly tied in scenes—and literal photography—into something deeper within her heart and spirit. Maybe it’s the Northern-California-girl connection, but I always appreciated how her words were both ethereal yet down-to-earth.
Over the years I have sent her emails here and there, responding to a newsletter or a blog post, letting her know how her words have inspired me, or encouraging her for her dedication to maintain her integrity in her work as she has grown Coffee + Crumbs. Her transparency and her faith—in her words, “choosing mission over metrics”—are a balm in this social media-weary world.
Every time (every. single. time) I have emailed her, she has always written back. Can you believe it? (I don’t even have that great a record with replying to my own mother’s emails.)
I don’t know a stronger way to show someone you care in 2023 than to respond to their emails, with actual, thought-out, heartfelt responses.
All this to say, I have been a huge admirer of hers and have found so much comfort in the C + C podcast. I took one of their workshops in 2017, but for personal budget reasons, didn’t join their paid-membership creative community, Exhale, when it first launched in 2018.
Then, one evening this past May, standing in front of a huge whiteboard in a library study room, trying to make sense of my life, it became clear that I needed most structure and support around my art/creativity/writing. Exhale popped into my mind, so I opened my laptop and looked up their website. When I saw that enrollment was open (it only happens twice a year), I took it as a sign and immediately signed up.
At the new member meet-and-greet on Zoom, I shared a bit about my recent ADHD diagnosis, and how I thought Exhale might direct me with my vague creative goals. Two other gals connected with my comment and one of them initiated a Voxer group right after the meeting. We added three other veteran Exhale members and, now we chat every day. (The group is called Neurospice Girls, obviously.) That group has been my lifeline and has helped me expand creatively in myriad ways. I consider that I’ve already gotten my money’s worth out of a lifetime membership to Exhale because of my Voxer group.
I surprised myself (homebody of homebodies) by saying yes to the first ever member-led retreat in Chicago. I was (and still am) brand-new to Exhale, and felt that, while I would be welcome, I wasn’t the intended audience for this retreat. There were many other mothers in Exhale, I knew, who had been following each other for years, in the Facebook group or on Instagram and blogs.
Sure, meeting Ashlee in the flesh would be crossing something off my bucket list, but it seemed like there could be easier ways to do that. And also, that seemed like a lot of pressure to put on one person.
Of my Voxer group, only Krista was planning to attend the retreat. She had been quick to book a VRBO she knew she could fill, and I think that helped me take the plunge. While I was bummed our whole group couldn’t be there, I knew it’d be valuable to put a face to at least one name and make an in-person connection.
Meeting Krista IRL was everything I hoped it would be and more. We seemed completely in sync with how much to hang out vs. do on our own. We stayed back at the house together the first morning, and started out with yoga and some separate journaling/reading/writing time. We then headed to downtown Oak Park to visit a “fiercely independent” bookstore and browsed until we got hungry, which was quickly remedied by tacos and poblano enchiladas prepared from homemade tortillas.
I was equal parts excited and nervous to meet Ashlee. There was no need for all my anxiety; she was an absolute delight—gracious and joyful, as I’ve always known her to be. I was thankful I got the opportunity to tell her how much her work (and really, way of being) has meant to me, and how thankful I am to be part of this community she has created.
The last highlight I will mention here is the workshop we had with local author Megan Stielstra. We were all transfixed as she read “Channel B” from her book Once I Was Cool. She shared how that essay came to be; what it’s like to write with narrative distance as a mother and a woman; what you’re supposed to do when you have a brand-new baby and your support network makes a spreadsheet of when they’re going to watch the baby for you (the answer is WRITE); and the most important rule: never “go make a cup of tea” when you’re supposed to be writing.
Thank you for coming to my ca. 2008-style blog post where I share pictures and talk about what I did!
