New Year, Same Me

What to do with second-hand January energy

Try as I might to ignore everyone else’s frenetic energy around New Year’s resolutions, I can’t help but pick up some of it anyway. 

Because of (a) my history with SAD, (b) the way in which my ADHD flares up around the holidays, and (c) the fact that two of my kids have birthdays in the first week of January, I have sworn off New Year’s Resolutions for the sake of my sanity. 

I can’t be the only one who feels this way. At a time of the year when our bodies want to turn in for rest and reflection, the internet is screaming, You can do better! What are you going to change about yourself? What are your goals for becoming a better you? 

After a couple years of abstaining from the practice of reflecting and goal-setting in January, this year I found myself going too far, to the point where I felt stuck.

(Trust me to take a good thing to the extreme.)

Somehow, in setting out to resist the pressure of coming up with a Word of the Year or setting goals in eight different areas of my life, I rigidly barred myself from making any plans. I became like Scrooge, but instead of Christmas, it’s January Energy I despise. If a to-do item even so much as flitted through my head, I banished it in the name of “accepting things as they are.” 

What started as protecting my peace led to my feeling antsy and stressed. Then I realized that just because it’s not the right time to establish a new creative rhythm or plan a dinner party, it doesn’t mean I can’t daydream or imagine improvements noncommittally.

Naming the “it-would-be-nice-tos” doesn’t mean I am automatically setting myself up for disaster and disappointment. Rather, it’s acknowledging the desires, the dreams, the seeds–a lovely gift for Future Lisa.

So I allowed myself to brainstorm (albeit on a scrap piece of paper to keep it unofficial ;)). I started by noting the kitchen flooring renovation that has been on the backburner, and the dream of restarting (and perhaps expanding!) an old book club (inspired by Ashlee Gadd’s recent post). Then I wrote down some other boring things like “schedule bloodwork” (must-do) and “get rid of a few obsolete devices” (nice-to-do). I circled back to other projects/goals, some of which will likely not get completed this year, or even the next.

I was surprised to discover that despite having just gotten through a very busy season (i.e., Christmas), there are still so many (disparate) things on my mind! At the same time, the exercise resulted in a discrete number of things, and a significantly lighter weight on my brain.

I don’t know why I am so resistant to writing things down when I am overwhelmed, even though it’s the one strategy thing that almost always works. I assume it will feel like too much—as though it were possible to get any more overwhelmed than my current state.

But when I do get it down on paper, I feel better: less worried about forgetting important things, and relieved that the list isn’t really as long as I feared it would be. 

If you, like me, have mixed feelings about new starts in January for fear of falling headlong into burn-it-all-down dereliction, maybe you could benefit from this little exercise. Whatever it is that is on your mind, it won’t be scarier seeing on paper.

And if it is, do like this gardener who’s scared of plants and get yourself some googly eyes.

When I mentioned my thoughts on this topic, my friend

Krista Steele

told me that artist Andy J. Pizza was on the same wavelength when he dubbed this month Dreamuary. I couldn’t love that more.