Scales

A poem

I didn’t know how much my world would shrink--
by scales I could not have conceived of
when I had my first baby

Quarterly planning sessions
now replaced by Excel spreadsheets
notating a 37-minute nursing session
or a nap ranging from 20 minutes to an hour and a half

The demarcations of my life
compressed to ounces, seconds, millimeters,
without a moment to blink lest a footie pajama be wasted–-
tags still on–-
as the baby jumps a size, money swirling down the drain

Rinse, lather, repeat:
logging each new baby thereafter
a new tab to the spreadsheet

My world was so small:
one or two ounces of pumped milk
a 45-minute nap
and a pile of clean cloth diapers twelve inches tall
 
But tonight
as I watch all 86 pounds of my 9-year old 
serve his baby sister
a bowl of rinsed kimchi
and a scoop of rice
as a bedtime snack
(because the kitchen is “closed” 
and he "knows" I won't do it--he isn't wrong)
my heart swells

and I feel 
expansion