The post I'm supposed to write...

...and the story I'm actually posting.

I had recently drafted up a blog editorial calendar for myself to:

(a) give myself some structure/routine to my blog;

(b) give me “baskets” to collect my thoughts, since I think about multiple topics over multiple weeks but thought it’d be better to present my findings in a slightly tidier way;

(c) look like I know what I’m doing.

I was feeling really proud of myself for doing this, but today I almost got derailed from not only this plan, but the blog as a whole. (Sometimes we get dramatic around here.)

Today’s scheduled-ish (Memorial Day messed with me a bit) post was “Things I’m loving”, like products and other fun stuff. But when I sat down last night to write a draft, I couldn’t come up with more than two concrete products. After staring at the screen and adding and subsequently deleting more abstract “things” I’m loving (e.g., “the library study room”, although it really wasn’t jogging my brain yesterday AT ALL), I called it quits.

Fast-forward to this morning. It’s 6:30 a.m., and after a quick glance at my calendar and the dinner plan I decide to do something outside of my morning routine. The kids are still in their room so I head down to the garage, coffee in hand and the Clutterbug Podcast in my ears, and focus on decluttering a single bookshelf that has found itself full of things that are not books. After my 15-minute timer rings, I look at the now-empty bookshelf with pride. It deserves a picture, so I open the Camera app on my phone. I struggle with the brightness setting; there seems to be no way to make both the coffee and the bookshelf have the same exposure level (setting?).

I settle for this poor photo and head upstairs to get breakfast going. I am so pumped at the progress, and think - for more than I fleeting moment, I admit - maybe I should do a #100daysofdecluttering project or a new blog! This feels like such a good plan, I open up Instagram to see what hashtags are available. 100 days of decluttering, I think to myself, and I could be a completely different person, a person who reaches her goals. I don’t even have to do a 100 days in a row, just any ol' 100 days!

The rest of the day is quickly filled with preparing meals and snacks, going to my weightlifting class (another “thing” I’ve been loving), answering a million questions from my 4-year-old, cleaning up, ignoring the 3-day old laundry as well as the boring-but-sure-to-be-mostly-a-crowdpleaser dinner that needs to be made.

I do a tiny bit more decluttering while Cori watches her shows and just before the middles get home from school.

After dinner is over and David is hanging out with the kids, I open my newly arrived Temu order (including compression bags to make all my stuff fit into a smaller space!) and proceed to order a couple more things on the iPad. (The irony is only now occuring to me.) I’m hyperaware that I’m at a slot machine and set myself a 5-minute timer to close the iPad and leave the house. (I have to force myself leave the house every day for my sanity: whether it be to the library, an errand, or just a walk around the block.)

I have a return to do at Target, a couple of storage containers I no longer need after doing some tidying. I grab my car keys and head out the door. My brain is high-fiving itself. I’m amazing for doing this: I’m decluttering, saving money, and getting this homebody out the door. My gut, on the other hand, feels uneasy. It’s then that I remember I have procrastinated on / ignored / suppressed / forgotten to finish the blog post I promised myself I would write.

As I drive to Target (and mentally note that I should only do returns and no shopping - because we’re decluttering and also because I need the time to write/post if I still want to watch Better Call Saul with David and Kathy tonight), I wonder to myself: Is it because I gave myself a writing schedule that I’m rebelling against the schedule because of my ADHD brain? Which then led to: Am I just a complete failure who figures out how to hijack every new project because also if I don’t give myself structure, this blog will fizzle out eventually?

Thankfully, by the time I leave Target, my brain has mellowed out and I realize it doesn’t have to be so all-or-nothing. Plans (meal plans, writing plans, calendar plans, etc.) are there to serve me; it’s totally cool to tweak a plan. I don’t need to completely ditch this whole blog because one self-imposed assignment doesn’t work out.

The aspirational “perfect” post of Five Things I’m Loving may not wish to be birthed into the world today, but I can still show up because there’s freedom for me to be in this space and to share my thoughts, no matter how wacko I am. (I can somewhat consistently show up here to be my consistently inconsistent self??)

Welp. Hope this means something to someone.

***

Two products that I truly am loving:

1. Trader Joe’s Cedarwood + Sage multi-purpose spray. I love that there are no artificial or “natural” fragrances, just pure essential oils. I’ve been wiping down the stove (!) every (!) night for the last couple of weeks (!).

2. Soap flakes, laundry powder, and oxygen bleach from Minnesota-based company Pure Soap Flakes. A long time ago I used to make my own laundry detergent (my sensitive skin and nose love unscented detergents, and I love how washing soda and borax leave our clothes soft and smelling fresh), but it was a lot of work to grate soap flakes. After reading Laundry Love by Padric Richardson, I looked into finding some options that would help cut down on my labor at a reasonable cost.