Resistance is Futile

Why/how to embrace yourself when you're having an "off-day"

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

“Inconsistent performance” is a trait that exhibits itself in people with ADHD¹ that refers to day-to-day variability in a person’s ability to meet external and/or internal expectations. 

There are days when a person who struggles with inconsistent performance will be able to follow routines, be on time, and not lose their keys. And then all of a sudden that same person will encounter a day where they are unable to summon the willpower to complete their tasks, routine or otherwise. 

If you struggle with this, you’ll notice that inconsistency can affect even the habits you’ve had established for a while, or the activities that you enjoy doing.

It happened to me this morning: I had been on a roll with productivity, being kind to my kids, setting aside time for creative pursuits and reading, AND managing to also take showers, work out, and make creative meals. (I can’t, however, speak to the laundry situation.)

And then I woke up today, not feeling particularly grumpy (that would have been a helpful clue, haha), yet proceeded to yell at my kids and be exceptionally impatient with them during breakfast.

After sending my two middles off to school feeling like a complete failure, I started spiraling, thinking about the long day ahead. I especially worried about being able to prepare dinner, since I knew I had a volunteering event in the evening which would require me to prepare dinner for my family earlier than normal.

Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash

What helped me find my way out of this tailspin was recalling this concept: the proclivity of folks with ADHD to keep up consistent performance.

Perhaps this morning I was just having an “off-day.” What if it was ADHD making me not at my best? Even if I had been doing great the day before, goofing up today did not automatically make me a failure. Instead of blaming myself and furthering the shame spiral, I could acknowledge my ADHD instead. 

Recognizing that it is normal to have an off-day—and more importantly, that it is neither my fault nor caused by me—allowed me to release some of the expectations I had of myself.

I’m all for “we can do hard things” but there are some situations in which “resistance is futile.” Maybe it’s not so much that we succumb to the assumption that we aren’t going to get ANYTHING done today, but that we remind ourselves we aren’t garbage people even if that does happen.

I had wrongly assumed I needed to complete everything on my to-do list. When I paused, I recognized that it would not be the end of the world if I didn’t make dinner. Leftovers would do, and Burger King does not mean I am a failure. And maybe I might still find the time and energy to prepare something

Instead of interrogating my brain about why it couldn’t perform as well as it had been, I tried a different way. I shifted from resistance to acceptance, to use mindfulness language.

I then noticed that being in-sync with myself feels a thousand times more peaceful than being in-sync with my to-do list.

I made progress in a very real way that morning, by practicing awareness and kindness towards myself in a moment of fragility.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

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I’m not sure if the experts have a reason for why people with ADHD struggle with inconsistent performance. I wonder if it’s a result of, or exacerbated by, having a consistent routine/schedule—which, paradoxically, is one of the keys to success for all people, ADHD or not. 

Perhaps the dopamine-seeking part of our brain rebels against the consistent expectations (e.g., currently, I am bored to tears making the same brainless crowd pleasers for dinner I know my family will eat). 

Maybe this morning my body was telling me it needed some novelty—not necessarily in the form of sugar or TikTok; rather, it was in some way rebelling against routine.

I realized that many of the things I think I should do during my 2.5 hours of child-free time (i.e, laundry, dishes, dinner prep) can easily be done with my preschooler around. So I asked myself what I truly could not do with a kiddo around. One of the answers was clear: attend to my writing practice. 

So with that clarity, I returned home, did a 10-Minute Putter² , a 5-10-15 on my side job, a few minutes of online shopping as a reward for doing “work,” and now here I am, sitting down to tell you about inconsistent performance.

I hope this helps you the next time you are having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

P.S. My friend

Aly Prades

shared

Amy

‘s recent post on how she modulates her creative practice based on energy levels. I thought I’d pass this along in case you are looking for practical and gracious examples on this topic.

1. as well as other health issues related to inflammation and oxidative stress. Thanks,

Leslie A. Banks

, for this important insight.

2. The 10-Minute Putter is a strategy I created to help me gain momentum when I’m feeling stuck. I wrote an article about it that I’ve submitted to ADDitude Magazine for review. I will share that strategy here eventually, one way or another.